Relationship Jokes - Sexual Trivia Pursuit!

Most Middle Eastern countries recognize the following Islamic law: "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." I've heard of eating "out" after sex, but this is a little much.

Safe Sex Alternatives?

All these have been used to make condoms through history: Linen, tortoiseshell, leather, silk, and sheep gut. Kind of gives you an idea why they weren't very "en vogue" for long, eh?

Mosquitoes, which mate in the air, perform a sex act that lasts only 2 seconds. Well, how long is that in the lifespan of a mosquito - for all we know, it could be days.

During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you'd be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime. Because, we all know, those sheep/horses/cows/goats/what-have-you were just asking for it!

In ancient Greece and Rome, dildos were made out of animal horns, gold, silver, ivory and glass. I admit it was the animal horn that drew me to this one.

A bull can inseminate 300 cows from one single ejaculation. Er, trying to get a mental image of that one.

Eating the heart of a male Partridge was the cure for impotence in ancient Babylon. Oh no, not Keith! Danny, maybe, but not Keith!

According to the Kinsey Institute, half of the men raised on farms have had a sexual encounter with an animal. That's why I had to leave the small towns.

A capon is a castrated rooster. They are said to have more tender meat when cooked, which is why they cost more.

Somebody actually timed a rattlesnake mating session that lasted 22.75 hours. Bored, much?

And finally, a study of pet owners found that 66% claimed they allowed their pets to remain in the bedroom during intercourse. I suppose it's a sense of voyeurism, but - ew! I'd be embarrassed to look my cat in the eye the next day.

Yet More Sexuality Facts You Really Don't Need To Know!

So, You Want Her To Swallow? Semen tastes sweeter if you haven't been eating meat. It's also an old wives tale that eating pineapple makes it taste really good.

An Amazing Organ. The vagina is self-cleaning, kind of like the oven. Is that were the term "one in the oven" comes from?.

Production Far Exceeds Demand.

A healthy male's ejaculate contains over 200 million sperm. If every one of these were able to find an egg, the average guy could easily fertilize 5 billion eggs in less than two weeks (this would double the current population of the earth).

Of course, the time required would vary slightly between individuals and be affected by environmental factors like diet and the availability of porn.

The Best Cure For A Headache.

A female orgasm releases endorphins (chemicals released in the brain that give us pleasure) and these are powerful painkillers. Having a headache is a reason to have sex, not to abstain from it.

So You Think You're The Father.

The more recent Kinsey studies that included genetic testing found one in ten children in America is mistaken about their father's identity.

Also, a British study found that a woman is more likely to become pregnant with a lover rather than her husband, when she's been having sex with both in a given time period and even having sex with her husband more often.

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Sex Related Averages

• Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7200.
  
  
• Average number of times he will ejaculate from masturbation: 2000.
  
  
• Average total amount of lifetime ejaculate: 14 gallons.
  
  
• Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds (Duh)
  
  
• Average speed of ejaculation: 28 miles per hour.
  
  

Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. This may just be the real reason that women love chocolate.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. Is anyone else getting weird flashbacks to Clash of the Titans or is it just me?

Keeping A Breast of the Situation

Many men, as we all know, are fascinated by massive breasts. Magazines cater specifically for such tastes and a number of strip-tease artists try hard to capitalise on their gigantic mammary apparatus (connoisseurs will recall the fifty-odd-inch busts of Big Julie and Big Bertha in the clubs). Zola wrote of Desire who kept a bar and a dance hall (was she based on fact?) - "she seemed so vast, with a pair of breasts each one of which required a man to embrace it. Rumour had it that nowadays she had to have two of her weekday lovers each night to cope with the job."

In one recorded instance ("The Sexual Anatomy of Woman" by W. F. Benedict), a girl of fourteen had breasts weighing sixteen pounds; and in another case a woman of thirty had breasts weighing fifty-two pounds. As with the male sexual organs breasts are sometimes grossly enlarged by disease or some other unwelcome cause. For instance some women have hyper-trophied breasts, sagging vastly and of quite giant proportions. An Abyssinian woman with this condition is shown by Mantegazza in his book, "The Sexual Relations of Mankind".

Titty Fact: The earliest breast implants were done in the 1940s by Japanese prostitutes hoping to entice the American GI's. They injected their breasts with liquid silicon.

Titty Fact: During foreplay, a woman's breast size can increase up to 25 percent-another great reason for oral sex.

Interested in more facts, statistics and trivia about breasts? How about a look at the biggest boobies ever recorded? Take a gander and have a good laugh at our hysterical page of
World Record Boobies !

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